faith formation: Self-Speak, Worship and Mental Health

 
A healthy spirituality must have a healthy mindset and use of language. Not only those words we speak to others, but the self-speak in our  own heads. From our thoughts our emotions are fed. And emotions and thoughts create "the heart" from which the mouth speaks.
 
As St. James says in 3:2
"... If anyone does not stumble in what he says, this one is a perfect man, able indeed to bridle the whole body."
 
But the novice in the spiritual life doesn't see words as important. They will often use emotional exaggerated defeatist language in generalities, which must be avoided, For example :
 "this is the worst day";
"These things (bad) always happen to me";
 "It will never get better."
" he is disrespecting me"
Also living in the past, thinking  “if only I had done this …”


While hyperbole is used in scripture at times, it is of an instructive nature; not a way of living our  life.
 
Language must be accurate and true, not alarmist or defeatist.  Anger or  Fear leads to disobedience, and lack of hope in God. When the people of Israel were freed from slavery all they did was complain. And God said:
"Not one of these - not one of this evil generation - shall see the good land that I swore to give to your ancestors" (Deut. 1:35).
 
The only Israelites who entered the Promised Land from the Exodus, after 40 years of miracles and wandering, are Caleb and Joshua, the only ones to not lose hope.
 

This "TEMPERAMENTAL LINGO" a fatalistic use of language assuming danger, leads to a lack of hope in God.
 
While we need to deal with the reality of any situation, bad things do happen. We must avoid emotionally exaggerated assumptions. Alarmist and defeatist language is not of God.
 
Romans 8:28 — “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”
 
When bad things happen, we can also work to fix them, or even prevent them, by preparation. We prepare by what is in our power, and through prayer. Also God can turn anything into a blessing even if it looks like things are going against us.
 
Luke 14:28
“But don’t begin until you count the cost. For who would begin construction of a building without first calculating the cost to see if there is enough money to finish it?"
 
One practical way to prepare our souls for growth in virtue, is our use of language.
 
Luke 6:45:
"The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks."
 
If you want to know where your treasure is, then think of where your thoughts most often go or what you like to speak about.

Matthew 10:38  
"Whoever does not take up their cross and follow me is not worthy of me."
 
The ill-formed Christian plays "the victim", they can't wait for the next person to complain to, or about. But complaining is focused on "me." But a follower of Christ picks up his difficulties as a cross given for his salvation.

“It is not those who commit the least faults who are the most holy, but those who have the greatest courage, the greatest generosity, the greatest love, who make the boldest efforts to overcome themselves, and are not immediately apprehensive about tripping.”
-- Saint Francis de Sales

 The use of  "Temperamental Lingo," leads to the temptation of despair. They believe in God, but their belief is a limited:

“Don't get upset with your imperfections. It's a great mistake because it leads nowhere - to get angry because you are angry, upset at being upset, depressed at being depressed, disappointed because you are disappointed. So don't fool yourself. Simply surrender to the Power of God's Love, which is always greater than our weakness.”-- Saint Francis de Sales

Complaining in Exodus was a vexing problem for God dealing with His chosen people. No matter how many miracles He worked for them it was never enough. Why? Because of their mindset--Temperamental Lingo--they only saw what they DIDN'T have not what they had . Their sense of gratitude was lost. Are we much different? We complain all the time.

Numbers 16:13
"Is it not enough that you have brought us up out of a land flowing with milk and honey to kill us in the wilderness? Must you also appoint yourself as ruler over us?"
 
A complaint can be legitimate, but it needs to be based in reality, and facts; not be subjective claims and exaggerations.
 
By playing the victim card, we can often confuse sympathy with love. While an aspect of love is sympathy. Sympathy has its limits, it exhausts people's patients. We want the one we love to be self-sufficient.
 
Those who continually seek sympathy from others, have a deformed spiritual life. They feel the need to complain, or be pitied, to gain the illusion of self-fulfillment. Their value as a person is in others opinions and not God's opinion.
 
Their mental health/spirituality depends on others and not on God. They care more of what an "evil man" thinks about them, than what  God thinks.
Proverbs 29:25
"It is dangerous to be concerned with what others think of you, but if you trust the Lord, you are safe."
 
They have developed an ill-controlled behavior. Their vocabulary emphasizes the sensational:
This headache is "killing"me!
I have "intolerable" stress!
My co-worker is "unbearable"!
 
While a complaint can be legitimate, it should not be obsessive or exaggerated. These malformed  Christians are novices in the spiritual life, and they exhaust friends, and family, with their complaining.
 
They seek comfort from anyone who will listen, but it is never enough, and relief is fleeting.
 
They seek confirmation that they have a "right" to be angry and their situation is unique and beyond repair. This subjective claim to a "right" leads to uncontrolled temper.
 
James 5:9:
"Do not grumble against one another, brothers, so that you may not be judged; behold, the Judge is standing at the door."
 
No novice is beyond repair. The difficulty for them is seeing they need to correct their thinking. We who are trying to help them need to see their suffering as real, at least to them, but that the cause is the illusion, not the suffering in their anguished mind and feelings.

“Have patience with all things - but first with yourself. Never confuse your mistakes with your value as a human being. You are perfectly valuable, creative, worthwhile person simply because you exist. And no amount of triumphs or tribulations can ever change that.”-- Saint Francis de Sales

Each person is of infinite value. Consider the person you like the least. How he irritates you. But God created him out of love, and even with all his faults, Jesus still died for love of him, which is an infinite sacrifice, because it is out of the infinite love and mercy of God, so he may be saved.
 
"Temperamental lingo" limits situations to stark terms  of "black" and "white" -- "right " or "wrong." When dealing with domestic issues, the novice must learn to ignore the  "Temperamental Lingo" about daily trivialities of everyday life; otherwise they will be prone to angry outbursts, and fearful anticipations.
 
Nonconstructive complaining about others or one's self is a temptation. Living in the past with regrets is also a temptation. The devil will use anything to keep you from seeing the goodness of God.

Complaints, if legitimate,  must be constructive--if a solution can be done, then it is constructive. We only have power over what is under our control. We can't control our spouses, or much of our family, friends or colleagues' reactions or feelings, but we can control how we react.
 
1 Corinthians 10:13 :
"No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability"
 
Novices long for being exceptional, but fear to be just average--which is humility.
 
Of course we all experience setbacks, but in fact, even that is average. We all have trials, but a trial to one person is no difficulty to another, so can we truthfully say who suffers more?
Can we really judge what is right or wrong, in domestic issues? There is right and wrong in moral issues, which is true;  but the deformity in our criteria comes in when misapplied. There are many activities in daily life that are not moral in essence, but merely a preference.

For example, do you like chocolate ice cream or vanilla? There is no moral dilemma here. But the deformation comes in by attaching our self-worth to the choice: "What will people think if I choose vanilla? They will think that I am boring!" Tempermenal Lingo starts to attach danger to a situation, that in themselves are non issues.
Nervous people must ignore the verbal anxiety  of  "Temperamental Lingo"-- helpless and hopeless--”doomed to suffer an unfulfilled life.” They sabotage their mental health, with defeatism.
 
Novices need to replace negative self-speak with reality based idioms: "All I know for sure, is I don't know what other people are thinking."

“Be patient with everyone, but above all with yourself. I mean do not be disheartened by your imperfections, but always rise up with fresh courage. How are we to be patient in dealing with our neighbour's faults if we are impatient in dealing with our own? He who is fretted by his own failings will not correct them. All profitable correction comes from a calm and peaceful mind.” --Saint Francis de Sales

 
There are two methods to change our thoughts. The simplest and most effective is by physical activity. When we are suffering from the temptation of Temperamental Lingo-- defeatist language. We can't attack the thought directly. We need to do something to change our thoughts, the best way is activity: sweep the floor, wash the dishes, go for a walk. Some kind of activity. The second way is to take the secure thought by applying a proverb to the situation: "They did something THAT annoyed me, NOT TO annoy me."
 
This may sound strange but Christian pop/praise music can help in this matter. This can aid in a positive self-speak and praising God at the same time, What is praise? Is it not gratitude for God's gifts? Gratitude is the most healthy mindset, even to thank people, not just God. To see the good around you is to have a grateful attitude.
The messages in Christian pop are usually positive, and easily goes into the subconscious; they're also filled with scripture. Creating a recurring prayer and positive thoughts. Repetition is a powerful tool.
 
Philippians 3:1
"Further, my brothers and sisters, rejoice in the Lord! It is no trouble for me to write the same things to you again, and it is a safeguard for you."
 
Advertisers use music to recall products, it is a powerful tool for sales. McDonald's, "I'm lovin' it," or Nike's "Just do it," is famous, and many people can even repeat jingles from years ago. Hearing the same thing over and over helps us remember it and can build associations with a product or an idea.

We should seek out positive proverbs, like advertises use catch phrases for sales, but we use them to help us fight off temptations. Scripture is the best, there is a whole book of proverbs, but don't be limited to that. All truth is from God, whatever is a truthful saying can help you to be grateful.
 
This is why we have a liturgical life in the Church so we can recall God's message. Our spirituality has a rhythm and cycle throughout the year, like seasons for the soul.
 
We can use this technique to recall God and the positive gifts He readily gives us--prayer is lifting one's mind and heart to God. Reality is very positive in general. There is far more good in every day than bad, that is why bad news is so alarming, it is the exception, not the rule. The devil wants to discourage us in any way possible.
 
We should be grateful for so much: my spouse, my children, my family, friends, my health, etc.. All of these are not perfect. No person can be expected to be perfect, in a fallen world, we ourselves are not perfect, so how can we expect it of others?
 
We must avoid black and white thinking. Novice Christians can fall into this way of thinking, idealizing others or situations : "if my dream does not materialize in full-- then it is all worthless"
 
While I can be grateful for the good, with a little effort, I could also see the faults in any of these things too. It is easier to see faults in others than ourselves, it can be a temptation to give us a sense of superiority--ie pride.

Matthew 7:3
"And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye?"

This is where the problem of Temperamental Lingo comes in, with an ill formed Christian. They will emphasize the negative, not at the total exclusion of the good, but the balance is off--80% bad, 20% good, or even worse, 90% bad 10% good. A well formed mind will see the world in the opposite way-- 80% good and 20% bad, while an enthusiastic person full of positive energy, at times can see the world 90% positive and 10% bad.
 
Philippians 4:8 “And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.”
 
We need to stop listening to false idioms of our temperamental imagination. Once a person can see reality, and not through a deformed perspective of doom, they will find emotional balance.
 
 Again, we are not saying to be delusionally positive, but we must see  defeatist exaggerated language-- Temperamental Lingo --as deforming language--a temptation to despair, and not a balanced realist perspective.
 
Complaining about what you can't change is not from God. It is not dealing with reality.
 
Once we achieve true insight into this false propaganda of Temperamental Lingo. We can then apply remedies to correct these thoughts, and gain a better spirituality.
 
We then again can  indulge in stimulating occupations; making good decisions; drawing sensible conclusions, without fearing the dreadful consequences suggested to us by Temperamental Lingo, whenever the challenges of average everyday life  occur.