faith formation: What is Love? It Does Not Envy -- post 3

We are continuing our meditation on St. Paul's definition of Love. We have covered patience, and tackled kindness . Now let us think about envy.

    1 Corinthians 13:4-74

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

Envy consists of sadness or grief at another's success, and by their good name and esteem increasing.  Envy is related to the Ten Commandments, specifically, "Neither shall you covet ... anything that belongs to your neighbour"—this commandment belongs to greed but may be associated with envy. In this case, it is the esteemed reputation owned by another.

[cf. Envy-- Summa--Secunda Secundae Partis, Q. 36, https://www.newadvent.org/summa/3036.htm#article4 ]

Dante in his Divine Comedy writes one of the envious souls on the terrace says:

"My blood was so afire with envy that,
when I had seen a man becoming happy,
the lividness in me was plain to see"
[Purgatorio, Canto XIV, lines 82–84]

The envious man hates the happiness and success of others; it springs from the pride of vainglory.  (Galatians 5:26): "Let us not be made desirous of vainglory, provoking one another, envying one another."

This vice seeks to surpass another, not by effort, or fair competition, but by defamation of the others reputation. This often takes the form of gossip or rumor.

I once heard a sermon on gossip. It was more than thirty years ago, by a gifted priest. It was so vivid I still remember it. He told the story of a man cutting his lawn. And by chance a fly flew in his ear. He shook his head and it soon left. But in a short period of time maggots started to grow in his ear, and he needed a doctor.

The preacher said: " Isn't this how gossip works? We open our ears to the latest hearsay and those rumors lay their eggs in our mind, causing it to fester."

We should avoid spreading gossip or listening to it. Everyone has a right to their good name, especially family and friends.

Are we envious of others' piety? Instead of criticizing them for choosing God; we should seek to be like them. Envy is said to be the motivation behind Cain murdering his brother, Abel, as Cain envied Abel because God favored Abel's sacrifice over Cain's.

St. Aquinas says:

"There is, however, a kind of envy which is accounted among the most grievous sins, viz. envy of another's spiritual good, which envy is a sorrow for the increase of God's grace, and not merely for our neighbor's good. Hence it is accounted a sin against the Holy Ghost, because thereby a man envies, as it were, the Holy Ghost Himself, Who is glorified in His works."

[Summa--Envy (Secunda Secundae

Partis, Q. 36) ]

But let's bring it to a practical application. Do we envy the success of others or does it grieve us to see their good fortune? If we are grieved this is a lack of love for our neighbor. We should be very cautious of this sin "by the envy of the devil, death came into the world" (Wisdom 2:24).

Are we envious of our spouse? Do we think people esteem him/her too much? Do we thinking to ourselves:"I should bring him down a peg or two; to show him he aint so great"? Do we seek opportunities to embarrass him/her? Their private faults should remain confidential, not a stick to beat them with. As strange as it may sound, some parents envy their children, speaking badly about them on serious issues, to others not involved in the family situation, which should remain private.

We should avoid speaking badly about people especially loved ones: parents, spouses, brothers, sisters or children, to others, as to damage their good name. If one is speaking in spiritual direction or with a therapist, of course one needs to be honest and open about  defects, but such discussions are confidential. At times topics must be addressed publicly, but this necessitates great prudence. I am speaking mainly of everyday conversations.

Love seeks to build-up and not tear down. The opposite of envy is honor. We fight envy by showing honor to one another. We should respect all, remembering as the Apostle says: “Honor one another above yourselves.”(Rom. 12:10).  God loves them and they are made in His image.

The easiest way to honor someone is just good manners, saying: "please", "thank you", or greeting, etc... Speaking well of someone is an act of honor. Finding the good they do, endorsing it, and expressing it to them, and others, this is the opposite of envy.

I couldn't find an exact antonym of the word "envy" in English but there is one in Sanskrit, "mudita," which is the joy that comes from delighting in other people's well-being. "Admiration" may be the closest word in English.

Next we will cover boastfulness.